Your middle of the night feedings and diaper changes;bleary-eyed concern washes into relief and elation when I look down at you in your cot, and though you fervently toss your head, hunting for your milky prey, you notice me and smile. A brief and spectacular smile. And in that soft moment, in the time it takes for your little mouth to open and stretch into a Cupid’s bow, ready to fire, my insecurities and flaws are rendered meaningless. In this moment, I’m just your mother. The word is a mountain, growing higher and higher when I think of the greatness of your grandmothers, and yet I climb.
She runs into my arms
all bouncing curls and though I do not see her face
I know her smile is wide and bright
She has no name that I know of yet
But in my heart she knows fame
I know not of her father
whether I have met him or loved him yet
is still a secret.
But she has his wisdom and his breathless laugh
I watch her eyes turn up the same way his does,
A wet kiss meets my face and a laugh rushes
into my ears
My heart leaps and I hold her close
Child of my dreams.
What is your name?
How is it that, just yesterday, I rose from my bed,
a child of such youth and vitality,
that no age can depict, nor can any number
describe or rationalize?
From the smooth brown skin of my arms,
to the dirt-roughened patches of my knees,
How can such innocence be expressed?
Fire at my heels, questions growing
in fractal like branches;
Where one is, there sprouts three!
Connecting and growing and reaching,
And like the brown and black tangles of
hair on my head, unkempt and carefree,
Curiosity never knew an end.
Content to stare and wonder,
or hide in dreamless sleep.
The innocence smothered
by the temptations of the world
and the errors of self.
The mind, once insatiable with questions,
Occupies itself with the convenience of today.
Would the child recognize me,
and I, the child?
Would we pass by each other
in ignorance? In relief?
Would she see something familiar,
or would I look down in shame,
Knowing that I’ve long since
abandoned the promises and ideas
February 1, 2013