Trials arrive swiftly on the heels of faith and with every measure of strength, increase the pressure on your heart, as if to ask, “Do you still believe? Your exhaustion is evident, and you are torn. What God would tire you when you submit?”
But have you submitted? Have you tossed this world from your heart, if you weep so easily? Where is your faith when God takes back what you have enjoyed and loved, in some way thinking it will never return, or none like it will be found?
Where is the strong, loud voice inside you that interrupts your corrupted thoughts, objects, and yells:
“Do you think God has any limitations? God has none. God is infinite and so is His mercy.”
But your hands are empty and so you have no reply. Your heart is shattered and so you have little hope.
Would that I were one of the malaika so that my existence and purpose would be just for Him. And no small, outcast Devil would tempt me, for I would not have ears for him.
But, astaughfirullah, wishing for this is akin to ignoring the mercy of Allah. Idle wishes often come to naught.
My past is behind me and yet stretches forth a dark shadow in front of me. Like a predator that feeds on your fear of its presence.
I am no longer sure who is right or who is wrong. But it is wrong to let the past dictate emotion. It is wrong to let it come in the way of mercy. It is wrong to remind me of that which I’ve left behind. That is my responsibility. No one else’s.
But since only Allah can correct this, then let our hearts be filled with du’a. And May Allah help us be content with His will. Ameen. May Allah help us be content with Him, no matter what trials we face. Ameen.