Costumes

This goes over my head.

I think,

Walking down North Avenue

Passing NORTH/CLYBOURNE

Passing FOREVER 21,

and all the scantily clad city folk,

Clutching a hot and heavy-designed cardboard

container of my very overpriced

SOY-pumpkin-spice-latte

from a very overpriced RICH HIPSTER FOODS.

It’s dark and 8pm and I feel so overwhelmed

by this, so overwhelmed that I could have been drinking

diesel and it wouldn’t have made much difference.

I am crying and

cars are passing and

People are staring and

I am thinking

can you all just stop

can you please just stop

can’t you see i’m

I’m not okay

I’m not from around here

and I’m not used to this

Not even sure who I’m supposed to BE

but until then I’ll pretend

to care more about the readings,

the calculations

the DUE DATES

the DEADLINES

the CASE FATALITY RATES

and the HISTOGRAMS

and all the while I’m going to be

falling apart and praying

and SCARED

that a big part of me feels like

this feels

very much like the soy pumpkin latte

i’m not supposed to be drinking

which could be diesel

and it wouldn’t make much

difference

because your last words

are repeating in my head

and I’ll just pretend I don’t miss you

until this all makes sense.

Nesha Usmani

September 3, 2013

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