I feel the emptiness like a bloated fullness,

Its echoing vacancy a scream in the night.

I search my brain for an answer.

I am different.

Smaller and clearer, somehow.

All of those nights sweating over elliptical machines,

and choosing my food carefully.

Squeezing through the pain to get to a better place.

I am different and yet it is not for me.

Is it for you? Who is it for?

It feels like I am still waiting

and yet I’ve lost someone to wait for.

My clothes fall loose.

A comfortable fit where

the marks used to be.

And yet, you’re not there.

Weight and wait.

In losing both,

is a sadness I never expected.

Nesha Usmani

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