I feel the emptiness like a bloated fullness,
Its echoing vacancy a scream in the night.
I search my brain for an answer.
I am different.
Smaller and clearer, somehow.
All of those nights sweating over elliptical machines,
and choosing my food carefully.
Squeezing through the pain to get to a better place.
I am different and yet it is not for me.
Is it for you? Who is it for?
It feels like I am still waiting
and yet I’ve lost someone to wait for.
My clothes fall loose.
A comfortable fit where
the marks used to be.
And yet, you’re not there.
Weight and wait.
In losing both,
is a sadness I never expected.