Prepare your selves for a bit of a rant.
I’m going to explain to you, yes, YOU, my view on love.
And I don’t give a flying emu’s crap whether or not you think it’s primitive or fantastic or crazy or depressing…because it probably is, and I’m well aware that is, because it’s caused me enough goddamn problems.
My friend once referred to herself as “green-eyed rage monster” in relationships, because of how jealous she could get.
I was like, yep that pretty much sums it up.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for that Enya-type of love where you “give it wings” if it leaves and if it comes back it’s meant to be.
But…while you’re IN LOVE with someone, and you know they’re IN LOVE with you… DAMN.
Is it wrong to make that person a priority? As in Hell-No-I-Will-Not-Consider-Other-People…
Because I don’t consider anyone else. If someone lands into my heart randomly, well, that’s different. I wouldn’t go out of my way making room for other people if one person has already filled it.
And I don’t get what the hell is so wrong with that. And why I can’t get the same. If someone loves you…well they better love YOU. And not open the door for another person to walk in and claim their heart.
Is that bad? Is it bad to just…want to be enough for a person? Not everything. I can never be everything to one person. And one person can never be everything to me. But can’t I just be the only one they need romantically? As a best friend? The only GIRL they need? No?
Is it bad that if I’m with somebody and a girl EVEN looks at the person I’m with it makes me want to scream a war-cry and plant a flag into the guy’s shoulder?! HELLO!! HE’S MINE!!! Do. You. See. The. Flag? DO YOU?
Oh, I am Muslim. So this whole premarital love thing makes it a bit difficult to explain…especially since I can’t really do anything about my feelings.
I guess this is something else I need to add to my list of flaws (it’s quickly becoming a book). I’m pretty sure this doesn’t make a damn bit of sense.
Um. I guess. Loving somebody doesn’t make them yours. Them loving you doesn’t make you theirs.
But…if you love each other?
I really think that you’d want to be each other’s. Regardless of whether you’re married to them or not.
And I think, sometimes, that’s enough. It’s enough to love each other, want each other, to commit to one another and work towards a future together. Isn’t that the right thing to do?
Isn’t that what you do with love? Harvest it, nurture it, grow a garden out of it, and reap for the future?
If you’ve got love…don’t let it sit around, PLEASE!!!! Don’t give up on it. Turn it into something amazing, beneficial. Plant the seed and grow your garden with the person you LOVE. (Hello!! It’s LOVE!!! TAKE CARE OF IT! FREAKING MARRY EACH OTHER.)
I just…the world confuses me.
What I think, isn’t. What I want evades me. What I don’t want always finds me. Turning to Allah is the only refuge I have.
It’s honestly enough to make me turn into one of those people that becomes a recluse, drives a beat up truck, and lives in the woods.
And have a vocal, huge, fat cat that has a cool name. Like Marcus. Or Atticus. Or something with -cus.
And a horse named Bill.
Maybe a hawk named Fred.
Call me crazy! I don’t care!! I’m a green-eyed rage monster and I don’t care. Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care.
I’ll be single all my life and become the crazy woman that everyone talks about. At least I know what love is!! (oh my god i just said that).
And hey. Mr. Prince-Charming of the Obscure-ish Future or Confusing Present. (you know who you are)
WHAT THE HELL are you doing? Get your shiny, chain-mailed butt off that goddamn white horse and get over here. We need to have a serious conversation about your timing. And your sodding, good-for-nothing, irrational view on love.
Irrational in Ohio.